A dear family friend joined us for a pleasant ice-cream time yesterday afternoon. However, as our conversation turn to reminisce in our appreciation of 80’s movie classics, a little voice in my head turned center stage and dominated the conversation. I noticed that for every movie Mike would mention, this little voice would start to interrupt eagerly with her account of details on the subject. As a very polite and considerable person that I am, I put a stop to it. The torture that ensued as retaliation from my little foe turned out to be almost unbearable.
I call this little voice the Movie Snub or Snobby for short. She always has something to say when it comes to making improvements to every movie I watch. With very few exceptions, the Movie Snub will always engage the rest of the voices in my head with critical reviews of master piece classics and shallow lighthearted films as well. It is a struggle to keep this voice quiet, but usually I’m stronger and better prepared to anticipate its moves. I keep this voice in check because if I let it out every time it wanted to say something, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy any movie at all.
This little voice was determined to be heard and my mind became the target of opinionated thoughts and flashes of images that showed me how much better I would feel if I just let it out. Soon, I began to feel an irresistible desire to speak and think the way she does and my determination to listen to our friend started to wind down.
Snobby got the best of me. I really wanted Mike to know that I’ve watched all of those movies he was talking about. I needed him to know that I still knew so many more movies that related to this topic. I should have said that if we had time, I’d subject him to my non ending blabber as a dull lullaby until he fell asleep and that I wouldn’t care because my intention was merely to speak, to talk without interruptions, about everything that was running through my head. My inner movie critic was out and there was no way to quell the yearning she had to let the world know how wise and knowledgeable she was. In this case, the world focused on my friend.
Although more subtle in practice, I can be hostile and antagonistic as well. My little foe painfully retreated as I began to say everything she wanted to say in the exact opposite of her intentions. As soon as she began to waver, I reverted to listening and allowed our friend Mike to resume his cheerful account of best 80’s movies ever.
The voices in my head always have something to say. Once in a while they do come out to play. They are fun because they brake through my usual composed demeanor. They give me random, spontaneous moments that spark opportunities to liven my everyday. Most of the time, however, they remain at the fringes of my consciousness and whether to praise or critique, they are contain be the mutual feeling that we all could use a little ear to listen tour heart’s content.