Albert the Moose

Written by Margarita Morgan

May 24, 2014

Albert and Ellen

Albert is a free spirit, He loves to play hide and seek. He randomly appears when you least expect him, but you can’t find him anywhere when you need him most. Albert is a good looking little moose who hangs from my keychain. He holds the keys to my home, storage shed and my mailbox. Due to his wondering nature, I took the car keys away from him and gave them to Ellen May. She is a new comer who is eager to please and so far remains put wherever I place her. Now, Ellen May the cow is dependable.

Giving names to inanimate objects that my family and I use every day is the handy work of a quirky little voice in my head, whose unpredictable nature, gives us great topics of conversation. A couple of weeks ago we sat down with our older kids and over dinner we shared stories that were inspired by Quirky and her offspring. Yes, she uploaded different versions of herself into my DNA and just like that, my kids were blessed with unusual, peculiar and unpredictable traits of their own, but let’s not digress.

There is a diverse group of characters that roam around our lives sparking amusing incidents. Creature is my computer and Beast is my tablet. These two were named after the affinity I have for certain dark themes, particularly in the vampire genre. They both hypnotize me and suck the living out of my real life. My smart phone is . . . stupid. I don’t even remember his original name, but he’s acting up and now days he just answers to the name of stupid.

Larry is now on top of my computer speaker

Then, there is Larry the lizard. He’s an itty bitty little plastic toy that stayed out in the yard, in the middle of the dirt for months. I used to greet him almost every day until recently when my six year old daughter picked him up and placed him under the mattress in her bed. She claims he was alone and we continue to have lively discussions about Larry’s freedom vs. his captivity. In other words, I want my trusted sidekick back and she wants to protect him.

We also have Vanzila, my husband’s very first vehicle, a 1979 Dodge Maxi van that is his baby and unending improvement project. This motorized beast has a 360-3 4 barrel motor and a thermo quad carburetor. It also sports a Dana 60 rear end with 456 gears and a full Detroit locker. Ladies and gentlemen, this is not just a beast, this is THE Beast. She’s the go-to tow rescue vehicle for unfortunate souls that take new four wheel drive SUV’s into the treacherous sands of the dry river bed nearby. We are very proud of her.

Our family has been on a first name basis with many objects around our house for many years. It all started with Vanzila and as the kids grew up, it became an interactive way to get the kids involved in finding the car keys and other situations that otherwise would have been a somewhat frustrating. Little by little, the personalities we attribute to these characters grow to make them dear to us and so far, this tendency has brought loads of good times at home.

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