Follow the Leader

Have you ever wondered why it is that we do what we do for our children? In my case, I can tell you exactly why, she owns me. My 7 year old has a hold on me that I can’t quite shake. Caillen thinks very highly of her mother and I don’t want her to realize yet, that I’m human like everyone else. She also has her older brother in a pedestal, he is her superhero. My husband of course can do and fix anything, she says and her older sisters are just the best. Honestly, it’s not what we do to earn her trust and love, mostly is what she makes us do. This is not a post about my experience as a mother. This is a real call for help.

Because of her great expectations of me, I am now a leader in her Girl Scout troop. I didn’t really volunteer to help at the beginning of the year, she dead glared me until I raised my hand. I was weighing her oncoming disappointment against a raging battle to control cute little feral like children in their own territory. Caillen won. Let me tell you, six and seven year old girls in a group are brutal on the psyche. I shiver at the thought of how my creativity will have to stretch to accommodate different ways to manage these girls. I’ve already tried and failed when the outgoing leader made me responsible to teach them the routine to a skit. It was a disaster, but my daughter handled it well. She ran to get help from the other moms…gawwwd!

My daughter has a unique view on life. To her, there is nothing that can’t be done. There is always a way and we have to try and work hard to make it happen. In her mind, she knows, she really knows when we are just trying to get out of a particular “assignment”. We somehow depend so much on her approval that the best option for us it to move on and do as she “suggests”. I have to clarify that Caillen is mature beyond her years. She doesn’t make tantrums. She usually has a dignified demeanor to which our “reasons” are regarded as petty excuses, but she is not vociferous. She glares and accepts that her argumentative skills have a limit, for now (insert here a tune of impending doom, like “ta ta ta taaaan”).

I am looking at my fellow leader who is moving on to a different troop and wonder how am I going to fill in her shoes? However, my daughter is confident that I can do this. She encourages me. I crave her look of approval when I do something she commands. I’m in trouble now. I’m in and I don’t know where to start. Maybe I’ll just let her do the thinking and continue to follow her lead, seems to work just fine. My older children are out of the house in college now, so I am the sole recipient of her guidance. Perhaps it’ll be alright.

=)

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