Vending Infomercials

Written by Margarita Morgan

June 26, 2014


Many sleepless nights I spent in front of the television at grandma’s house looking at enticing infomercials of amazing contraptions that were absolutely necessary in my daily life. It was surprising to realize that I’d lived so long without the aid of a “Rotator” to peel vegetables and fruits for me with efficiency. Once I’d discovered the wonders of the “Slap Chop” to chop and mince my salsa ingredients, I just had to have it; but the necessity of the very handy “Comfort Wipe” was very clear for other people I knew would benefit tremendously from such an ingenious device, but I will not describe it, you just have to see it for yourself.

The problem with acquiring these objects was the use of my credit card to cover a few payments in the form of easy installments. For one, I don’t like to give out my credit card information to random retailers and secondly, I hate all the spam mail I get after processing electronic transactions. For theses reasons, I would have loved to have vending machines in the neighborhood that carried such fantastic inventions to be sold instantly and conveniently without having your name in costumer a lists. Not that I would mind to be associated with the products I buy, but sometimes discretion would be a prudent thing to consider.

There is just something providential about “The Better Marriage Blanket” That I would have run in the middle of the night to acquire with no thought about inconvenience and or lack of easy payments. This magic blanket helps to disperse unwanted air bursts propelled by the ingestion of beans and other highly fermenting foods your spouse might have ingested during that day. Also, you never know when at the last minute you might need the aid of the “Doc Bottoms Aspray” to relieve your companions of unwanted aromas that certain odor’s zones might produce and where according to the promoter, other deodorants haven’t gone before.

Vending machines of this sort would be a success because of their ready availability that would certainly override the convenience of easy payments. I would probably be a good costumer since their advertisements are very persuasive and indeed show with clarity how my life would improve tremendously by their use. I hope that a brave entrepreneur would consider investing in this endeavor and soon provide us easy access to these great and invaluable products.




The Daily Prompt

Vending Wishes: Soft drinks, electronics, nutrient-free snacks — you can get all of those from a vending machine. But what type of vending machine is sorely needed but doesn’t yet exist? Share your automated retail fantasies with us!




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